Dealing with Grief
We are honored by the opportunity to learn about your loved one and discuss your questions regarding the legal process to resolve their affairs.
We understand that the journey of grief and loss is unique for everyone. If you or a loved one needs help navigating this difficult period, we encourage you to reach out to a mental health provider.
If you need help right now
These lines are free, confidential and answered around the clock. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Any time, anywhere
- Call or text 988
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free and confidential, 24 hours a day, by phone, text or chat at 988lifeline.org.
- Text HOME to 741741
Crisis Text Line. Free mental health support by text message, 24 hours a day, anywhere in the United States. crisistextline.org
Local crisis lines, 24 hours a day
- 800-626-8137
The Southwest Washington Crisis Line, for Clark County and the surrounding area. Staffed by mental health professionals and certified peer counselors. TTY 866-835-2755. clark.wa.gov
- 503-988-4888
The Multnomah County Behavioral Health Call Center, for Portland. Free and confidential, with interpretation available. In Spanish, call 503-988-4853. multco.us
THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE IS NEVER EASY
Grief does not arrive on a schedule and it does not clear on one. Some days are ordinary. Some are not. There is no correct order to any of it, and no point at which you are supposed to be finished.
What makes the first weeks harder is that they ask something of you at the same time. There are calls to make, papers to find, and forms that want an answer now. Most of it is less urgent than it feels. Almost none of it has to be done alone.
If the arrangements have fallen to you, what follows is the work that usually comes after a death in Washington or Oregon. It is set out here so you can see the whole of it at once, rather than finding it out one letter at a time.
What usually has to be done
Roughly in the order it comes up, though not all of it at once and not all of it by you. A funeral home handles more of this than most families expect.
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Order the death certificates
The funeral home usually orders them for you. Ask for more copies than you think you need. Banks, insurers, pension plans and county offices each want their own certified copy, and families commonly need ten or more.
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Secure the house and the vehicles
Lock up, collect the mail or have it forwarded, and keep the insurance running on a house that is now empty. Tell the insurer it is unoccupied; a vacant home is easy to forget while everything else is happening.
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Find the will and the papers that go with it
The original signed will, trust documents, deeds, vehicle titles, life insurance policies and recent tax returns. In both Washington and Oregon, whoever holds the original will has 30 days from learning of the death to deliver it to the court or to the person named in it as personal representative.
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Tell the offices that need to know
Social Security, Medicare, the Department of Veterans Affairs, pension and benefit plans, the employer, insurers and banks. The funeral director normally reports the death to Social Security for you, but it is worth confirming that it was done.
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Leave the accounts and the belongings alone for now
A joint account, an account with a named beneficiary and an account that has to pass through probate are three different things, settled three different ways. Moving money or giving away possessions too early can create problems that are hard to undo.
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Find out whether probate is needed at all
That depends mostly on how things were owned and titled, and on what the estate holds. Some estates go through probate. Many do not. It is worth knowing which before anything else is started.
When the paperwork becomes a legal matter
Most of the list above is administration. Some of it is not. The dividing line is usually the same: an asset that cannot be transferred without a court’s involvement, or a will that has to be proved before anyone is allowed to act on it.
Certified copies of the death certificate are ordered from the state. In Washington you can order a death record through the Department of Health, though a local health department is usually the fastest route. In Oregon, order one through Oregon Vital Records. USAGov keeps a plain list of the federal agencies to notify when someone dies.
When a will has to be filed and an estate administered under the supervision of a court, that is probate. When assets pass through a trust or by beneficiary designation, the work is estate settlement instead, and it happens outside the courtroom. A great many families turn out to need some of both. For an estate on the Oregon side of the river, our Portland estate settlement attorneys do the same work under Oregon law.
None of this has to be resolved in the first week. It only helps to know that it is coming.
We understand that the journey of grief and loss is unique for everyone.
Grief support in the Vancouver and Portland area
Below, you will find established community resources in the Vancouver-Portland area that focus on grief support services.
Hospice bereavement, Vancouver and Clark County
- PeaceHealth Hospice
Hope Bereavement Services in Vancouver runs Pathways, a free adult grief group, and offers six free grief counseling sessions. Open to the community, not only to hospice families.
360-696-5120 for support groups / 360.696.5100 / peacehealth.org
- Community Home Health and Hospice
Bereavement support from a Washington non-profit that has served Clark and Cowlitz counties since 1977.
Hospice bereavement, Portland
- Providence Health & Services
Providence Hospice of Oregon offers grief support groups, short-term individual and family counseling, and telephone support. All of it is free of charge.
- Legacy Health
Free grief groups open to anyone grieving a death, including Understanding Grief for the newly bereaved and Pathways to Healing, an eight-week series.
For children, teens and their families
- The Dougy Center
Peer grief support groups for children, teens, young adults and their families across the Portland metro area. Groups meet every other week and are provided at no charge.
- Camp Erin Portland
A free weekend bereavement camp for children and teens aged 6 to 17, run by Providence Hospice of Oregon and serving Oregon and Southwest Washington. Registration usually opens in March for the coming summer.
- Stepping Stones
Children’s grief support groups at PeaceHealth in Vancouver, for children and the adults caring for them.
- In This Together
A free eight-week grief support program for children, teens and their parents or guardians, run jointly by Legacy Health and Providence.
For widowed people
- Soaring Spirits International
A 24-hour online community, widowed pen pals, regional social groups and Camp Widow weekends. Secular, and open to anyone who considers themselves widowed.
For military and veteran families
- VA bereavement counseling
Free counseling through the Vet Centers for the surviving spouse, child or parent of a service member who died while serving, a Reservist or National Guard member who died on active duty, a Veteran who was receiving Vet Center services at the time of their death, or a Veteran or service member who died by suicide. Call to check whether you qualify; the call center answers 24 hours a day.
After a suicide
- Survivor of Suicide Loss Support Group
A free group for adults at the Hope Bereavement Center, 5400 MacArthur Blvd, Vancouver. Call for current meeting times and to register.
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
A searchable directory of suicide bereavement support groups, listed by zip code and distance.
After the death of a child or a baby
- The Compassionate Friends
For families after the death of a child of any age, from any cause. Peer-led. The organization espouses no specific religious or philosophical ideology and does not charge dues or fees for chapter meetings. The Portland chapter posts its current meeting dates online.
- Brief Encounters
A Portland non-profit for parents after pregnancy loss, infant loss, or a pregnancy ended for medical reasons. Monthly meetings and grief walks.
Ways to find a group near you
- GriefShare Vancouver
A faith-based grief support program that runs as weekly groups hosted by churches. Search by zip code to find one that is currently meeting.
- Washington 211
Free and confidential help finding local services, including bereavement support groups across Clark County. Dial 211, or text 211WAOD to 898211.
- 211info
The same free referral service on the Oregon side, covering all 36 Oregon counties. Dial 211.
We offer these resources as a courtesy to you and your loved ones in this difficult time. NW Legacy Law, P.S. does not affiliate with or otherwise endorse the listed providers. We welcome any feedback on these suggestions and other providers.
We are honored by the opportunity to learn about your loved one and discuss your questions regarding the legal process to resolve their affairs.
Prefer to reach our Portland office? Call (503) 498-8000.